Monthly Archives: November 2011

How a new train line could make the concrete city cleverer

By | Feature | No Comments

A new train line could bring some much-needed brainpower to Milton Keynes. The new line, which received much-needed backing last week, would link up the concrete city with towns including Oxford and Cambridge. If built, this so-called ‘brain train’ would have to be a good thing for a city which has long been known more for its thugs than its thinking power. It would put MK within commuting distance of two of the country’s most exclusive university towns – bringing endless  possibilities. Just think of what this new breed of…

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Crowd surfing in a boat in Milton Keynes

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It’s fast approaching December, and we’re all feeling starting to feel a few winter blues creep in. But what better way of cheering you up than reminding you of the Foo Fighters’ gig of the summer at the National Bowl combined with a man crowdsurfing in a boat? Genius. Pure idiot genius.

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Go out for a good cause this Friday

By | Activities, Music | No Comments

Going out in Milton Keynes has never been the most worthy thing to do, but now you have an excuse to get messy, safe in the knowledge you’re doing it for a good cause. This Friday Music 4 Meningitis takes over SNO!bar with a non-profit musical mash up of live bands,  DJs,  art and comedy. And if you go, you can do so knowing that all profits from your indulgence will go to the Meningitis Research Foundation, which funds research into a pretty horrendous condition. Meningitis is not only a…

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A letter to the Beatcheck Monkey

By | Music | No Comments

Dear Monkey, A few months back some dirty scummers nicked my iPod while I was walking under the underpass on the way to the Co-op to get some fags. Now all I have for beats is my trusty wireless. That’s right, my FM Radio. Can you help? I would like you to find me a way of bringing me breaks, beats and basslines, without a 21st century music player. Can you sort me out? Oh, and then can you buy me a new iPod for Christmas? Peace, Little Jonny, Fishermead. The Monkey…

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More townie joy as Primark arrives in Milton Keynes

By | Shopping | One Comment

Townies were in a state of ecstasy for a second time this week as Primark announced it is to open its doors in the concrete city. The jumble sale-cum-high-street chain revealed plans to open a store close to the stadium:mk in the same week that cheese-fest Oceana announced it is to keep its doors open. Primark is the high street’s number one purveyor of dirt-cheap tat and is a must if you like hormonal teenagers, dirty housewives, and want to get the exact same outfit as everyone else on the…

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How to get yourself banned from driving in Milton Keynes

By | Video | One Comment

A Milton Keynes man has just been banned for drving for five years after some particularly idiotic use of both a motorbike and social media. In honour of his stupidity, here’s our easy-to-follow guide to getting a hefty driving ban and narrowly escaping jail: 1. Get a kick-ass Kawasaki 600cc motorbike 2. Mount a camera onto your helmet 3. Film yourself caining it around the streets of Milton Keynes at 150mph 4. Post your videos on YouTube like below 5. Wait for the police to knock at your door. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNCNJaoe7xE…

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Beerboys rejoice as Oceana stays open

By | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Beerboys and slapper girls were in a state of joy this evening as it was announced that Milton Keynes’ favourite meat market is to remain open. Luminar Leisure, which runs cheese-fest nightspot Oceana, entered into administration earlier this week – presumably because people realised that its clubs were full of wasted half-wits. But today the administrators announced that Oceana, which attracts up to 2,000 punters each week with a combined IQ of, erm, 2,000, was one of the most popular venues in the chain, and is profitable enough to keep…

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