Ikea should turn Wolverton’s crumbling Agora into a raving hub.
Hear us out. You know it makes sense.
In 2004 the arrival of the Swedish shopping centre spelled the end for world- famous clubbing epicentre the Sanctuary, as Ikea raised it to the ground to make way for smug middle class mums on their Saturday morning shopping trips.
But now we’ve found a way for the Swedes to make up for their Sanctuary destruction.
We think that in the interests of karma, common sense and the love of the city, Ikea should dust off the bulldozers, clear the tat shops out of Wolverton’s crumbling heart, and get to work on creating the city’s newest rave centre on the site of the Agora.
Just imagine it: the Sanctuary II in the centre of Wolverton, complete with beautiful Swedish couches, low-price beds, and even Swedish meatballs as a midnight treat.
This will work on so many levels.
It’d make Ikea more popular to those disaffected old party heads, it’d put a bit of soul back into Wolverton’s empty heart, it’d end the mindless speculation about the future of the Agora, and it’d give us back an underground hub that’s been missing for half a decade.
Yes, the Agora’s in the heart of a residential area; yes, there’s absolutely no way in hell Ikea would ever dream of parting with their hard-earned kronas to get this plan off the ground; and yes, we’re fully aware it’s a stupid pipe dream
But while there’s dance music in the world and breath in Beatcheck’s lungs, let’s fight for this slightly mental cause.
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